Comments for Doc Hopper Speaks

Comment on America’s Sweetheart Abandons Dream in Iowa by Loren

Loren — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 04:22:44 +0000

Is Marcus’ darling wife chewing on a dildo in the picture? Or is that just one of those Iowa wienies for campaigning mealtimes?

Comment on Dear Leader Died During Trombone Symphony, Says North Korea by Loren

Loren — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 13:16:51 +0000

We heard it second-hand from Doc Hopper, to whom we are always eternally grateful for wisdom and wit and . . . w h a t ever.

Comment on Frankly, Only the Executive Branch Needed, says Gingrich by Loren

Loren — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 14:02:51 +0000

You just quoted his appearance on CBS’s Face the Nation, right? Farnkly, as a Historian of factoids, the Newt needs no introduction to inanity. Remember, frankly, that’s what he taught.

Comment on Big Oil to America: Frack Off! by Loren

Loren — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 21:14:30 +0000

Why would I want to clean my carburetor under a faucet? C a r b u r e t o rs are so-o o o o o mid-twentieth century. I mean, if you have an antique car that you’ve got to start up at the Old-Timers’ exhibit, or something . . . . And then, brushing your teeth with this sort o, like,f carbonated water may already be an illegal act that’s been, you-know, criminalized.

Comment on Penn State Forced to Change Name to Penn-a-trate U by Loren

Loren — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 17:30:25 +0000

It’s gonna be tough to coordinate Vatican back[door]ing with a chance for sponsorship from condom manufacturers. Or vaseline suppliers. But[t] hey!

Comment on Bank of America Dreams Up New Fees by Loren

Loren — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 16:38:28 +0000

I had been wondering why BoA was putting a tall double fence around its local branch . . .

Comment on Charlie Sheen Proposes “Winner” Middle East Solution by Loren

Loren — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 18:33:19 +0000

Better idea! Give Idaho to the Palestinians and then they’ll, like, you-know, be way off from all the other, like, Ay-rabs, who don’t like them either. There’s lots of rocks and mountains they can decide are wholly holy, or whatever.

(By the way, you do a very good Charley Sheen.)

Comment on Lion King-BW by Loren

Loren — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 18:23:24 +0000

You really should get in touch with Walt (you-know, through his electronic casket communication device) and tell him you want to work in his marketing department.

Comment on Tea Party Sees Reverse Immigration as Threat to Economy by Loren

Loren — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 23:55:24 +0000

Bacnmann is just unhappy that her gardner was among the escapees.

Comment on Debt Ceiling? Obama Makes Stunning Proposal by Loren

Loren — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 11:06:49 +0000

You seem to have a good grasp of what’s [not] going on with the Cap & Bury debate, and you nicely squeezed the Baggers without seeming to abort any Birthers. You looking to start a column in the Washington Post? The Washington Times?

Or course the real question is whether the Chinese are gonna ship a bunch of Ayrab faggots to the Moon. And if they do, are we gonna be willing to foreclose and repossess the Moon if those Asian smarties then short-change us on their payments to us for that purchase.