White House Chief of Staff John Kelly and Steve Bannon have mutually agreed that Trump’s bombastic Alt-Right figurehead will serve his last day today.
“Naturally, he’ll be patted down for pens, staplers and the like on his way out, said Kelly, pointing out that the president was often left scrambling for something to write with during Bannon’s tenure in the Oval Office.
“Sitting directly across from Trump, that fat little turd was always stealing shit off the desk. He’d point out the window behind the president and say, ‘Look! Black people climbing the fence,’ which would provide the necessary distraction. Can’t tell you how many executive orders ended up being signed with Melania’s eyebrow pencil.”
Reached for comment, Alexander Marlow, editor-in-chief of Breitbart News, said that Bannon would not be welcomed back to the organization.
“He was always using the copiers for his personal business. Once we convinced the White House to take him off our hands, we found over 7,000 color copies of his butt cheeks stashed in the supply closet.”