“Found this terrific app which is now on my phone. It allows me to ‘hook up’ with people in my area or even around the world. It’s called Grindr and the app says it’s for curious people like me.
And you know how curious I am! I am so curious.
So far I have connected with Mister Meat Whistle, Pure Pudd Pounder and Miso Horny. I think that last one is from China.
I’ve invited them to the Oval Office, my secret meeting place, since all of them have insisted our hook ups ‘must be discreet’.
I have arranged for the White House chef to come up with a buffet lunch that will be suitable for all of them, with their dietary needs.
Mister Meat Whistle, for instance, says he’s allergic to latex and will therefor be ‘riding bareback’. Can’t wait to see what that’s all about!”