The Trump transition team has finally revealed what we’ve all suspected: in order to re-stock Donald Trump’s newly drained swamp, they’ve been beating the bushes looking for the LEAST qualified individuals for each position.
Environmental Protection Agency: Scott Pruitt
Qualifications: Sued the EPA more than any other state attorney general in the country.
Oklahoma native where the state economy depends on destroying the environment.
Quote: “Can’t write a country song about the EPA cause it don’t rhyme with anything.”
Housing and Urban Development: Ben Carson.
Qualifications: Once found a dime on the sidewalk outside some public housing somewhere
Able to stay awake for as long as 4 hours at a time.
Quote: “The only way to get people out of public housing is to tear it all down.”
National Security Advisor to the President: Michael Flynn
Qualifications: initials stand for “mother f**cker”.
Quote: “Bullshit and fake news will be the cornerstone of this administration.”
Attorney General: Senator Jeff Sessions
Qualifications: always wanted to be a general and an attorney. No he can be both.
Quote: “ I have nothing against n**gers, towel heads, slopes, beaners, kikes or spics.”
Secretary of Defense: retired general James “Mad Dog” Mattis
Qualifications: his personal Hum Vee runs on napalm.
Military found him to be too erratic and volatile to command troops.
Quote: “If you can’t find an enemy to kill, make one up. And kill him.”
Health and Human Services: Tom Price
Qualifications: supports healthcare availability for all those who can afford it.
Quote: “People on welfare should eat their young.”
Department of Education: Betsy DeVos
Qualifications: vows to shrink the Department of Education until it can fit on Noah’s Ark.
Quote: “Education is for those wealthy enough to appreciate it.”
Press Secretary: Sarah Palin
Qualifications: failed governor, failed VP candidate, failed reality TV star, failed Fox News talking head
Quote: “The United States and also America too, should both meet the challenge and then do it, but not backing down either.”