Booty Call Action Figures is gearing up for its September 4 release of the Mother Teresa Love Buddy, a life size, anatomically correct sex doll, to coincide with the Vatican’s conversion of everyone’s favorite nun to sainthood on Sunday.
The Mother Love Buddy stands 4 ft 5 in tall in sandals in its normally stoop shouldered configuration, but can be tweaked to stand erect if so desired.
Every wrinkle, stretch mark, bristly hair tuft and mole on the Buddy, is identical to those on the skin of the desiccated Sister of Charity, thanks to our advanced 3D printing techniques (and the camera of Sister Pissedoffenuff, who attended the preparation of the body for burial and needed some quick cash).
Although known as the Whore of Calcutta by those like Christopher Hitchens, who saw through the staged photo ops of her selfless deeds, others are more generous in their praise of Mother Teresa’s poverty mill in the mean streets of India’s slums. They choose to overlook the holy diversion of funds and the use of Teresa’s private jet provided by American felon Charles Keating. Mother Teresa was whisked in first class comfort to the US, for treatment of her own health problems, while those depending on her in Calcutta, writhed in agony but for the occasional aspirin, and the trademarked Mother Teresa pep talk: “pain and suffering have come into your life, but remember pain, sorrow, suffering are but the kiss of Jesus – a sign that you have come so close to Him that He can kiss you.”
But enough about our Celebrity Sister’s masochism and jet setting!
Mother Love Buddy comes complete with your choice of authentic head scarf (actually a dish towel) or a discrete veil if you feel her shockingly lifelike face might be a buzz kill.
Those prayer-calloused knees are perfect for propping the Vatican’s newest saint into position to receive your throbbing communion torpedo.
You’ll be moaning “holy shit” as that bionic mouth works its miracles, six ways from Sunday.
And as you suspected, since Mother Love Buddy is an exact copy of Mother Teresa, who expired as a virgin, you just know that her prehistoric party hamster is going to grip you tighter than the fist of a priest masturbating a choir boy!
Our blessed operators are standing by. Make the call. Amen.