A third generation snake handling pastor has died after being bitten during a combination worship / pie-eating contest at the Pentecostal New World Jumping Jesus Gorilla Farm Whoopdedoo Ain’t We Sumpin Church in Middlesboro, Kentucky.
Pastor Jamie Coots was 42 at the time of his death, said his son, Cody who added that his father had refused medical attention. “He fully believed that the Lord would save him from the bite of that rattler… course he also believed that he was my father.”
In fact, according to anyone you ask in the town of Middlesboro, the pastor’s son was the result of a torrid affair between Mrs Coots and a tattooed pugsmasher (don’t ask) she met at Bag ‘o Muff truck stop on the outskirts of town. “Mom was a snake handler, too, said Cody, only it was the trouser snakes she was always messin’ with.”
Witnesses said that Pastor Coots was bitten during the roller skating portion of the serman while holding a 3 foot long rattlesnake named Bufus between his teeth. “I figure the snake was gitten even fer being named Bufus, said Maddie May Stumph, a recent convert to Pentecostal shannigans, “the pastor had no sense when it came to name callin’; just lookit whut he named his son: Cody Coots. Sounds like somethin’ you pick up from a toilet seat at the Bag ‘o Muff.”
Wow sure looks a lot like Will Ferrell.