It was bound to happen sooner or later. Jasper Stoufus, the newest member of the South Carolina Christian Born Right Born White Bible Study Group, quite innocently showed up at his first meeting toting a book other than the King James Bible. He said later than he had been paying such close attention to the dress code (no blue jeans, white shirt with string tie, clean underwear) that he failed to remove a paperback book from his hip pocket before joining the prayer circle. As it made an uncomfortable lump under his buttocks, he set the book aside on an adjoining chair where it was picked up by Minnie Dwyer, a charter member of the group. Minnie said that she was thumbing through the pages of “American History in a Nutshell” when she happened upon a chapter explaining the conditions leading up to the writing of what came to be the Constitution of the nation.
“Why, just imagine my shock and dismay, said Minnie, fanning herself with a Ten Commandments bookmarker, “when I discovered that America never was founded as a Christian nation at all! For so many years I had been taught that Jesus had been left out of the Constitution by mistake: Mr. Jefferson erroneously thought John Adams had written up the Bill of Righteous is what I had heard all my born days…. and now I find out that the Founding Fathers had deliberately separated gummint doin’s from the work of the Lord.”
She went on to say that word had rapidly spread among those of the prayer circle that the Constitution is indeed a secular document that gives no more weight to Christianity than to Islam or witchcraft.
“We were obviously devastated to learn that those horrible liberals and atheists had been right all along, despite the blatherings of Pat Robertson, Jimmy Swaggert and Billy Graham. What will we find out next? That Noah didn’t stock the Ark with dinosaurs and fruit flies!?”