New Year’s Eve: Falling Bullets Don’t Kill People

The NRA has exposed another Left Wing nonsense campaign, this one designed to deprive gun owners of their right to celebrate the arrival of the new year.

Speaking on Fair and Balanced R Us, the fledgling Fox News internet channel, NRA spokesman Wayne LaPierre fired a salvo of scientific data to bolster his position that shooting guns into the air doesn’t harm anyone.

I used to teach Phys Ed, said LaPierre, which was right next door to where they taught Phys-Iks, so I think I have a pretty firm grasp on the scientificals. Them egg-head scientists always try to flim flam the uneducated with that phony “scientific method” prattle, but as I’ve said over and over, “fools like me will not even be slightly mocked .”

He went on to explain, “during lunch hour at the school where I taught I was kinda sweet on the Phys-Icks teacher who wouldn’t gimme the time of day. I used to make up reasons to be in her classroom and one day I sat in on a lesson where she was telling the kids about Sir Issack Neutron who knew so little about gravity that he once sat under a tree. Well, a apple fell on his noggin and he was never the same. He started ranting about “bodies at rest tending to stay at rest” and so on but everybody knew he was just making up reasons for why he was never out looking for a job. Because he was always at rest.

Anyway, the point is that neither Neutron nor Albert E. Frankenstein (the guy who once wrote ‘See Emma Squared’ on a chalkboard), neither of them ever once said nothing about bullets. Or guns. Which neither of them owned, in the first place, so they were not real Americans. Nothing mentioned about bullet trajectories or bodies falling when not at rest or anything close to it. So case closed.

So come New Year’s Eve, feel free to blast away into the sky as long as you’re outside while doing it.

We’ve all seen the videos of those camel jockeys celebrating with their AK-47’s over in the Middle Earth. Ever hear of a single one dying from a falling bullet? I suppose we could pass a bunch of new laws making it illegal for bullets to fall from the sky, but that would just be irresponsible. I say lock and load, here comes 2013!”

One comment on “New Year’s Eve: Falling Bullets Don’t Kill People
  1. How did you find Fox “News” fledgling internet channel so quickly . . . and get published there? Anyhoo,Neutrino knew that NRA types wouldn’t onnerstan’ nuthin’ ’bout no bodies at rest or in motion. The point is, like, a bullet in motion “tends” to stay in motion, unless it gits arrested by g r a v i t y. Then it come gallupin’ back down until it meets some immovable object, like the haid o’ some good NRA member.

    Then ever’thing gits real clear.

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