With only the extreme lunatic fringe (Donald Trump, Orly Taitz, Glenn Beck) clinging to the canard that President Obama is foreign born, Tea Baggers everywhere have settled on a new demand to make of the country’s chief executive in the months before the 2012 election.
The Council of Conservative Crackers (CCC) has begun a campaign in earnest calling attention to the fact that before he was sworn in as the 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama failed to provide a stool sample.
“It’s a well known fact that only Mooslums shy away from providing stool samples when called upon”, said David Marbleman, Coordinator in Chief of the CCC. “The reason they won’t cooperate is because when you analyze a gob of Mooslum blow mud the first thing you find out is that they’re cannibals, and I don’t think even left wing pansy fruit sucking liberals would put up with that kind of nonsense in a chief executive.”
As proof of his position, Mr. Marbleman pointed out that not a single president, starting with George Washington, had refused to provide a stool sample.
“You just check the history books, said the CCC leader, I challenge you to find even one reference to a president elect declining to pinch one off for the people of America”.
Appearing on Meet the Press, Mr. Marbleman was asked whether 18th century science would have been up to the task of analyzing George Washington’s exhaust plume. The question drew a stark reprimand from the caustic guest. “Here I am presenting a solid case for ousting an illegitimate Mooslum from the white house and you media types try to change the subject. But for the sake of argument I’ll go along for the ride and ask you this: did George W Bush refuse to park a custard before he was sworn in? Last time I checked, he served as president in the 21st century. So number one, there goes your argument about the 18th century, and number two…. well… it’s number two we’re talking about isn’t it? You find me one news article or video tape of Bush refusing to push out a grumpy for analysis. Better yet, don’t bother… I’ve already checked.
On Fox News, talking head Sarah Palin, devoted an entire segment to the issue of feces analysis and its historical role in vetting presidents, concluding that President Obama was obviously stonewalling voters. “ Some are saying that Obama refused to take a dookie before his inauguration, while others say that his blumpy simply didn’t pass the test. I say to Mr. Obama, stand up…. or rather sit down… and get to the business at hand. Mr. President, show us your stool sample!”